Dust Off Your Funny Bone

Welcome To...           _______ _
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   |(,_|                               |___/
   | |
   | \_,       This is a sample of the humor and art of The Funny Bone,
   |   |       a free weekly e-mailing of jokes and funny stories, il-
   |   |       lustrated with the original ASCII artwork of Joan Stark.
 .'     \      If you enjoy this and would like to have The Funny Bone
(    ,   )     e-mailed to you each week, free of charge, then follow
 '--' '-'      the subscription instructions in the signature.

            ___,
       _.-'` __|__           I Need Your Help!!!
     .'  ,-:` \;',`'-, 
    /  .'-;_,;  ':-;_,'.     I saw a report recently, about how gravity,
   /  /;   '/    ,  _`.-\    which is a non-renewable resource, is grad-
  |  | '`. (`     /` ` \`|   ually diminishing.  Top scientists agree...
  |  |:.  `\`-.   \_   / |   
  |  |     (   `,  .`\ ;'|     "With the present rate of consumption,
   \  \     | .'     `-'/       the earth's supply of gravity will be
    \  `.   ;/        .'         exhausted before the 24th century."
     '._ `'-._____.-'`        
        `-.____|             There is a direct link between the vanish-
          _____|_____        ing of the ozone layer and decrease in the
    jgs  /___________\       earth's gravity supply.  We're already see-
                             ing the effects of the disappearance of the
 ozone layer, but we're not likely to see the effects of vanishing grav-
 ity during our lifetimes.  However, our children will probably have to
 deal with the issue.

 It is interesting to think of some of the results science has yet to
 consider.  The obvious impact will be on engineering (like keeping
 bridges and buildings weighted down), but what about sports?  Breaking
 records for the high jump will become easier. Football kicks will like-
 ly grow longer and an 82-yard field goal will not be unheard of.  Limbo
 dancing will be more difficult and even Louis Anderson will be able to
 run the hurdles.

 Until scientists discover a cheaper alternative, we need to help...

                       PLEASE CONSERVE GRAVITY

 Follow these simple suggestions:

   (1)  Walk with a light step.  Carry helium balloons if possible.
   (2)  Use tape, magnets, or glue instead of paperweights.
   (3)  Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like
        curling.
   (4)  Avoid showers .. take baths instead.
   (5)  Don't hang all your clothes in the closet ... Keep them in one
        big pile.
   (6)  Stop flipping pancakes

 Any other suggestions for ways to conserve this precious natural
 resource will be appreciated.  Please e-mail your gravity conservation
 tips to...
                        <gra...@funnybone.com>

 This is *not* a joke. What could be more serious? After all, gravity is
 the opposite of comedy!  You may be laughing now, but just picture your
 great grandchildren wearing safety tethers, unable to play outdoors for
 fear of floating away in a wind storm.  Please be gravity conscious.

                                                             _     .-. 
           John Nunley <jok...@funnybone.com>           ( `. .'   )
                                                             `. `   /'
       Write to <sam...@funnybone.com> to learn more           |   |
       about the Funny Bone and to have subscription           |   |
        instructions automatically e-mailed to you.           _|66 |
                                                             (__,  |
        For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website           L_,)|
                http://www.funnybone.com                         | |
                                                               ,_/ |
                 ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
            http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/                |   |
                                                              /     '.
   The Funny Bone is powered by a GoSite Internet Server     (   ,    )
               http://www.funnybone.com/gs               jgs  '-' '--'

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